Saturday, October 21, 2006

Positive thoughts...

Ok, so maybe quitting smoking just isn't for me... Good news? I am NOT a quitter! That may work out for me in the long run! (lol) Guess I'll have to keep trying on this, though.

Anyhoo, Tim and I rode the Harley down to Daytona for Biketoberfest today. We had to have rode close to 200 miles, so my butt and back are killing me... and we're doing it again tomorrow! Oh well. I'll just take some motrin with me this time. Meanwhile, at an early point in the day today (11:32 am to be exact) I broke down and bought cigarettes. Grrrr! I really want this to work!

Anyways, about other things... I've decided to work on a list of good things that can come of my having breast cancer. I want to do this list soon, while I am still feeling rather healthy so that later, when I'm feeling crappy, I can read it and be reassured.

So, feel free to give me ideas of positive things that can come of this! I'll work on a list and post it soon.

I know that God has not decided to do this just to make my life miserable. He hast to have a long-term plan. Even though I don't know what it is right now, I do feel like this might be my chance to not only learn new things about my "inner self" but it also may help me find that "niche" that I've always been looking for. Perhaps I'm meant to help others by learning from my own experiences. We shall see. That is a reason why I wanted to keep this online journal. Maybe my reasearch and my thought processes can help others. If nothing else, I can let them know that their reactions to different stages of this are normal! Right now, I have a positive attitude (I'm invincible!) but down the road, I may be angry, and hit the whole "Why me????" stage. Either way, maybe it can help others in the long run.

I guess that's it for now. I should get some sleep.... headed back to Daytona tomorrow! Then, my dr. appointment is on Monday.

Love and hugs, ~Brenda

Coping with Cancer

Good advice that a friend sent...

Wellness Monthly Healthy matters to keep in mind.

When Someone You Know Has Cancer
How to Help Them Cope

When a friend or relative has cancer or other serious illness, it’s perfectly normal to feel worried and uncomfortable. However, if you are not careful, your feelings could change the way you relate to your loved one. It’s important to remember that your friend or relative is still the same person. Only now, that person needs extra support — especially during periods of medical treatment and hospital stays. You can play an important role in making life as normal as possible in a world that has been turned topsy-turvy. Here are some ways.

Listen
People with cancer basically need someone to listen to them talk about their current fears and their future plans. They don’t necessarily need you to "do" anything. It’s not always easy to be a silent refuge from a day of chemotherapy or a night of sleepless panic –– but it can be more helpful than you may think.

Beware of conflict
The period right after diagnosis is often a time of anger, fear and confusion. People with cancer might lash out at you in an attempt to find a target for their frustration. Don’t take these outbursts personally, and try to respond with patience and compassion if you can.

Be yourself
Many people think they don't know how to act around people with cancer. Just do what you normally do, and don't try to be someone you’re not. People with cancer need their family and friends for a sense of normalcy. They have to deal with enough changes in their life without having to adapt to a new you.

Keep looking for hope
While cancer is undeniably a major illness, it is not necessarily fatal. Many cancer patients have been treated successfully, and many others live a long time after the diagnosis. It is hard not to think about the person dying, but it's important to focus on living. Staying positive will encourage people with cancer to do the same. For those with cancer, surviving the disease can be a difficult task. But you can give them positive support and let them share their difficulties with you. Facing cancer together makes it easier to endure the hard times, and to look forward to brighter days ahead.

Sometimes life can feel overwhelming. If you find that you are having trouble doing daily tasks or that problems are affecting your relationships with friends and family, you should consider seeking professional counseling. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness or failure, especially in situations too difficult to handle alone.

Tips for helping someone cope with cancer.
• Let the person with cancer start talking. You can’t make people talk about their feelings before they are ready, but you can be ready to listen when they are.
• Show your support. "I'm here" can be the most reassuring words you can say.
• Share your anxieties and uncertainties with the person, if appropriate. You both can support each other and give and take strength as you are able.
• Don’t give false assurances by saying, “Don’t worry,” or “Everything will be all right.” Try to lift spirits without denying the truth. It can be as simple as doing fun things you both enjoy.
• Don’t assume the worst. Even if the future is uncertain, you can still look forward to the possibility of a positive response to treatment, as well as spending good times together.

What do you say when you don’t know what to say?
The following are some ideas for how to offer help.
• Don’t start the conversation with, "How are you?" When you ask the question right away, the person may not know whether you really want an answer or are simply being courteous. Engage in some small talk for a few minutes before asking how things are going. Be sure you have time to listen before you ask the question.
• Drop the person a note. A simple message like, "I’ve been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing" lets the person know you care. It can make a big difference. You might suggest getting together for lunch in a few days. Be sure to follow through with the plans you make.
• Be aware of times of stress. For example, if you know when the person is going to the doctor for an appointment or treatment, call a few hours later to ask how it went. Your caring act may help the person cope with any bad news.
• Reinforce trust. Let the individual know that you will keep any personal information to yourself, even if the person doesn’t specifically ask you to.
• Don’t speak. Sometimes a hug or an arm around the shoulder can say more than any words.
• Be honest. It’s okay to tell the person, "I don’t know what to say. I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you." The person with cancer doesn’t need advice or words of wisdom, just your caring and your presence.

The information and therapeutic approaches in this article are provided for educational purposes only and are not meant to be used in place of professional clinical consultations for individual health needs.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Quitting Smoking

Alright, alright, I know what you're all thinking after reading the heading of this blog. "Damn, she's been diagnosed with cancer and she still smokes????" Yes, I'm still smoking. I have exactly two cigarettes left in my pack and then I'm done. I've bought the Nicotine Lozenges, tried to talk myself out of buying any more smokes and am trying to find ways to NOT smoke. This really requires an entire rearrangement of my life.

Please understand (those non-smokers out there) that cigarettes are not as easy to give up as one might think. When I was pregnant, I quit cold-turkey, because I had an innocent baby inside of my body. Sadly, this is STILL so surreal that while my mind says I have cancer, I still feel pretty normal. I feel emotionally drained sometimes, but otherwise I'm fine. It's hard to convince myself that I'm "sick" if I don't feel like I am. And if I don't feel like I am sick, it's hard to convince myself to stop a habit that I've had for years (even though it IS gross, and desgusting).

But, on a good note. I am quitting. I'll keep you all updated on that.

Also, I've done some research on things that are bad for those with breast cancer (and those with high risk). Drinking is bad, but if you do have one or two drinks, taking folic acid should actually help "counteract" the effects. Also, organic foods are much better for you because the dairy (sorry, Dad, Uncle Lee, and Uncle Paul) products have hormones in them that are bad for your body. Likewise with most meats these days. Vegetables are better if they're organic, too, because they don't have pesticides on them. Seems like a small thing, but since everything that you normally put into your mouth has pesticides or hormones, it can do some damage to a body that is already at risk. Since hormones are one of the leading factors in causing breast cancer, all of those years of taking birth control pills probably hasn't been a huge help, either. I've got one word for Tim: Vascetomey! lol!

Anyways, that's just a touch of what's going on right now and a little of the research I've found out. My appointment is on Monday, and I'll leave an update after that. Oh, and be sure to check out the blog below this one about Aimee's 3 Day walk for the Cure. Support her and her team! She's doing this not only for me, but for every woman in all of our lives! Mothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, nieces, and so on. Clearly we never know when this will strike someone you love. I'm only 31, and it struck me!

Michigan 2007 3day walk

I recently recieved an amazing e-mail from someone that I went to High School with. It follows:

Brenda,
Last year, I signed up to walk the Michigan 3 day walk to fight breast cancer. I found out about it really late and was unable to raise the $2,200 I had to. However, I was able to raise about $500 that went to the cause. Not great...but it was $500. I decided to walk for my sisters, friends, and mothers...for women as a whole. Last year, breast cancer never touched anyone I knew. This year, it does. And I'm really sad that it does. It would be an honor for me to walk in your name. I know this year will be a struggle for you both physically and emotionally. I would like to dedicate my walk to you, in your name. I will be walking 60 miles in 3 days and raising $2,200 for the fight to find the cure. Let me know if it is okay that I walk in honor of you and your fight. If you like, we could link our blogs up and if you have friends who would like to do something, in honor of you, they could. I know when I read that you had been diagnosed, my initial thought was that I wish I were closer. I would help you care for your beautiful girls, make food for your family....while I am too far away to do that, I can do something. Let me know. I'll send you my website. It would be an honor. XOXO Aimee

So, in order to help her raise money for her walk, go to http://www.the3day.org/site/pp.asp?c=ciKTLcPRLvF&b=297924 Hit the Michigan 2007 3day and search for Aimee Bingham. You can also go to her blog page, which is http://aimeeswalk.blogspot.com Together, we can help Aimee raise money for Breast Cancer awareness. Thanks, Brenda

Dealing with Tricare

Well, Tricare (military insurance) "screwed the pooch" again. Big surprise there. Tim's on a rampage, and I'm worried he's gonna climb a water tower soon. Once we finally got the referral from tricare, we were able to get another appointment, but it's not until Monday. And that's just to talk to the dr. that will be doing the surgery. Won't find out until then when they're actually going to take this thing out of me.

I'm pretty sure the next step is to do the biopsey on my lymph nodes and to stage the cancer. Then, it'll be another surgery to do the removal. I figure I'm looking at another week or so.

I am gonna start slipping some of my prozac into Tim's dinner pretty soon, though. lol, j/k! He's a normal guy... he needs to fix things. Since he can't "fix" my body, he expects the person who can to fix it RIGHT NOW (or, in his words, "yesterday"). So, a lot of my energy is spent trying to calm him down a little. Which is great because it keeps my mind off of ME for a while. lol. But, I feel bad for him, because he's handling it the only way he knows how.

Otherwise, everything is well. I have two good friends that live close by that are helping a lot with the girls by getting them to school and picking them up and so on. Right now, that's the most help I need. After the surgeries, I'm sure it'll be a different story.

The good news is that once people found out that I had cancer, everyone sent love and offerings to help! I know that when some people announce the "C-word" people get scared and stop talking to them. Fortunately, I happen to be an excellent judge of character (if I do say so myself) and all of my friends/family have been more than kind.

So, I'd love to take this moment to thank each and every one of you. I've appreciated all of the phone calls, cards, e-cards, e-mails, hugs, and so on. More than anything, it is reassuring to know that Tim and I aren't doing this alone. It's a very scary time in our lives, and you are all more important than I can possibly express in words. Thank you for all that you've done and will end up doing over the course of the next year.

Oh, one more thing... while I do truely appreciate all of the phone calls, I'm probably going to have my ringer on silent for a while now. I have become overwhelmed with the phone calls. So, if I don't take your call, it's not personal. I'm just losing momentum with explaining to everyone what is going on. The best way to find out will be through my e-mails. This way, I can update everyone all at one time, without having to repeat myself. Please don't take that the wrong way. I love you all. This is just a very emotionally draining time and I have a lot on my mind right now. I'm sure you can understand that. If you do have questions or comments or anything, feel free to e-mail me. This way, I can respond at my leisure, when my mind is in the right place.

Love and huge hugs to you all,
Brenda

Warriors in Pink

Looking for a good way to support breast cancer research? Join Ford's Warriors in Pink. This is a link to the press release.

http://media.ford.com/newsroom/release_display.cfm?release=23397

This is a link to the Warriors in Pink website. It has gear that you can buy (and it's cool stuff!) and other information. Christmas is coming up... who wouldn't love to sport one of these cool shirts and other gear!

http://www.fordvehicles.com/warriorsinpink/index.asp

Check it out and help support the cause!!

Love, Brenda

My Update; Surgery

Good morning, everyone.

Some of you may remember about 6 months ago that I had found some lumps in my breast. I got them checked out and they were just little cysts, and were no big deal. Well, a few weeks ago, I found a big lump on that same breast, but didn't panic, because I knew my 6-month check up was coming due. I had the check up, and I was told that the lump that I found was scar tissue....no big deal. BUT, under that were several calcium-like deposits.

The dr. referred me to a hospital out in town (Baptist Medical) and I had an appointment to go over my medical history and my mammograms/sonograms and set a date for a biopsey.

When Baptist re-took my mammo and sonograms, they figured out that it was one lump, NOT scar tissue. The lump turned out to be rather large.

So, I got my biopsy done last Wednesday. They took 6 samples from the one large lump and then drained 2 cysts. Then, the dr. saw on the ultrasound that the gland under my armpit was "unusual" so she took 2 samples of that. They called me on Thursday with the results.

I do have breast cancer.

The technical name for the type I have is Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

The dr. seemed pretty positive that I should be able to beat this thing, though. She said I have a rough year ahead of me, but hopefully, by this time next year, my life should be back to normal. Apparently the type of cancer I have is one of the most common, so they're not dealing with anything new. She said that I'm carrying an 80% survival rate.

Oh, and the biopsey on my lymph node came back negative, so they sent me to get an MRI done on Friday. They also wanted to get a better idea of the size of the tumor. They piddled around with the results and finally called me yesterday afternoon (Tuesday).

The tumor that I have is larger than they first suspected from the mammograms, and although the origional biopsey on my lymph node came back negative, they said that it still looked irregular. For those who are unfamiliar, the reason they're concerned about this is because if the cancer is contained in just the duct, it should just "roll" out when they remove it. If it has begun to spread, the first place it will go is to my lymph nodes. So, they said that I need to get what's called a Sentinel Node Biopsey done. For those interested in more info, try this link: http://www.cancernews.com/data/Article/202.asp Once you go to that page, scroll down to where they describe the biopsey itself.

So, anyways, after that phone call, the nurse on the base set me up with a consultation appointment to ask/answer questions on Thursday. Once I called Tim and told him that, his reaction was "WHY THURSDAY!" They'd waited 4 days on my MRI results and then found out it's worse than expected, and now they're waiting two more days to do a consultation on thursday??? So, needless to say, he made some phone calls to some important people.

Which leads to why I am writing to you all in a mass e-mail instead of calling everyone individually like I'd origionally planned. I am headed in to work with Tim tomorrow, and as soon as my Dr. on base gets there, he's giving me a referral to go and get this Sentinel Node Biopsey done, and hopefully get the labs back from that ASAP and then get the tumor taken out and the lymph nodes if necessary. Because of the size of the tumor and the fact that cancer can get worse very quickly in younger people (your cells grow at a rapid pace when you're younger, both good cells and bad), we want to get this taken care of as soon as possible.

So, I won't be answering my phone for the next few days, but if anyone would like to call and leave me a message, I will be checking those. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. This is a tough time for us all!

Love, ~Brenda