The Poem
I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.....
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God! held a book;
It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time."
Now do you have the time to pass it on?
Joy
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything,
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
I hope this brings everyone a little peace of mind today!
Love, ~Brenda
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Post-Op
Hi, everyone! I am home now, and I'm doing fine. I got home around 5 this afternoon.
I ended up not going into surgery until about 11:30 this morning. The surgeon finally came out to talk to Tim at 2:10 this afternoon. The doctor said he took out the tumor and sent it down to pathology. It tested positive for cancer cells on the outside of what he took out, so he had to go back in to remove some more tissue, which came back negative for cancer on the outside. So, he got as much as he could from the tumor area.
Then, he ended taking out three of my lymph nodes. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing they may have found some cancer cells in the first two, and the third one came up negative, so he stopped there. That's just my guess on that, though.
Other than being a little sore in the armpit area, I'm doing fine. I was very dizzy every time I stood up for most of the day, but it's starting to wear off now, and I'm able to move around a little as long as I don't stand for too long at a time. Of course, I am on painkillers, so I'm not sure how long it'll be before I can return to work because I don't want to work with narcotics in my system! They don't want us drinking on the job (even though I AM a bartender) so I'm sure they don't want me drugged up! lol.
So, I have an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday to go over what they found, and for him to check my incisions. But, I am doing fine. Fortunately for me, I've had a wonderful nurse (Tim) and beautiful visitors (the girls). Thanks to Tammy for taking care of Carley today. It was definately appreciated!
Love, ~Brenda
I ended up not going into surgery until about 11:30 this morning. The surgeon finally came out to talk to Tim at 2:10 this afternoon. The doctor said he took out the tumor and sent it down to pathology. It tested positive for cancer cells on the outside of what he took out, so he had to go back in to remove some more tissue, which came back negative for cancer on the outside. So, he got as much as he could from the tumor area.
Then, he ended taking out three of my lymph nodes. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing they may have found some cancer cells in the first two, and the third one came up negative, so he stopped there. That's just my guess on that, though.
Other than being a little sore in the armpit area, I'm doing fine. I was very dizzy every time I stood up for most of the day, but it's starting to wear off now, and I'm able to move around a little as long as I don't stand for too long at a time. Of course, I am on painkillers, so I'm not sure how long it'll be before I can return to work because I don't want to work with narcotics in my system! They don't want us drinking on the job (even though I AM a bartender) so I'm sure they don't want me drugged up! lol.
So, I have an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday to go over what they found, and for him to check my incisions. But, I am doing fine. Fortunately for me, I've had a wonderful nurse (Tim) and beautiful visitors (the girls). Thanks to Tammy for taking care of Carley today. It was definately appreciated!
Love, ~Brenda
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
11 Hours Until Surgery
Well, neither Tim or I really like this doctor very much. It's his personality... I don't get a warm and fuzzy from him. Very disturbing, actually. Our first meeting with him was 10 minutes of him avoiding answers, answering questions with questions, referring some of our questions to "this other person we'll be speaking to" and so on. When we left that day, we really didn't know much more than when we went in there. On top of it, he acted like he was in a hurry and we were wasting his time!
Then, on Monday, we talked to my Radiation Oncologist. She is wonderful! She seemed to have all the time in the world for us, and not only answered all of our questions honestly, but even brought up a few other important points! With the surgeon, he was even vague about answering questions directly relating to the surgery. The radiation doctor gave us all of the info we wanted, and more! I really liked her (actually, I think I have said this already in an earlier blog).
So, because of the meeting with her, Tim got on the phone and tracked the surgeon back down yesterday and "had a talk with him." It's so cute when he says that. I can only imagine how the conversation went, but needless to say, this overly busy surgeon suddenly had time to see us today, and didn't seem to be in any hurry at all! Go figure.
Well, we were able to "trap" him long enough that he answered all of my questions. Since so many have been calling (and if you've left a message and I haven't called back, I'M SORRY!!!) with similar questions, I'll try to answer some:
I am going in at 8:55 tomorrow morning so they can insert this dye into the tumor. It takes avout 2 hours to get to my lymph nodes. From there, they'll be able to see which nodes are being affected and just biopsey those, instead of removing them all like they used to do. So, I'll be having a lumpectomey done, where they remove just the tumor and some of the surrounding tissue. A separate incision will be made under my armpit to get to the lymph nodes. The whole procedure should last about 90 minutes or so. Then, they'll keep me in a recovery room until some of the anestesia begins to wear off, and then I'll get to go home. We did have the dr. write my prescription today so that Tim wouldn't have to worry about getting to the base tomorrow to pick up pain pills for me.
He said that I will have some soreness (obviously) and won't be able to lift my arm very high for a few days. But, I'm hoping to go back to work in a week or so.
Then, my next appointment (besides some post-surgery check-ups) will be with radiology on the 28th of November... The day after mine and Tim's 9-year wedding anniversary. From there, I'll be doing radiation (it's not clear how long I'll be doing this yet) followed by chemotheraphy (also unknown as to how long). The doses for radiation and chemo will be better known after the tumor and nodes are removed and sent to pathology for testing.
If the lymph nodes come back positive for cancer, I will require another surgery to remove those. Also, some of you have asked about reconstruction. The dr. said that 95% of these types of surgeries do not require plastic surgery, because my body should naturally build up scar tissue in the place where the tumor is being removed from. So, I should have a small scar from the incision, but nothing worse. The stitches will even be under the skin, instead of the outside.
Oh, and one more thing.... everyone keeps asking what stage of cancer it is. Sorry, but they really won't know until after the surgery exactly how large the tumor is and if/how far it may have spread. He said that the reason the tumor showed up bigger on the MRI than on the mammogram is that the MRI picks up everything, including inflamations. So, the tissue around the tumor could be inflamed, but not have cancer in it. We will find that out at the surgery.
I guess that's about it for now. Thank you to everyone that has called to wish me well, and for the e-mails I've recieved! It is so wonderful to have so many people care about me.
Love, ~Brenda
Then, on Monday, we talked to my Radiation Oncologist. She is wonderful! She seemed to have all the time in the world for us, and not only answered all of our questions honestly, but even brought up a few other important points! With the surgeon, he was even vague about answering questions directly relating to the surgery. The radiation doctor gave us all of the info we wanted, and more! I really liked her (actually, I think I have said this already in an earlier blog).
So, because of the meeting with her, Tim got on the phone and tracked the surgeon back down yesterday and "had a talk with him." It's so cute when he says that. I can only imagine how the conversation went, but needless to say, this overly busy surgeon suddenly had time to see us today, and didn't seem to be in any hurry at all! Go figure.
Well, we were able to "trap" him long enough that he answered all of my questions. Since so many have been calling (and if you've left a message and I haven't called back, I'M SORRY!!!) with similar questions, I'll try to answer some:
I am going in at 8:55 tomorrow morning so they can insert this dye into the tumor. It takes avout 2 hours to get to my lymph nodes. From there, they'll be able to see which nodes are being affected and just biopsey those, instead of removing them all like they used to do. So, I'll be having a lumpectomey done, where they remove just the tumor and some of the surrounding tissue. A separate incision will be made under my armpit to get to the lymph nodes. The whole procedure should last about 90 minutes or so. Then, they'll keep me in a recovery room until some of the anestesia begins to wear off, and then I'll get to go home. We did have the dr. write my prescription today so that Tim wouldn't have to worry about getting to the base tomorrow to pick up pain pills for me.
He said that I will have some soreness (obviously) and won't be able to lift my arm very high for a few days. But, I'm hoping to go back to work in a week or so.
Then, my next appointment (besides some post-surgery check-ups) will be with radiology on the 28th of November... The day after mine and Tim's 9-year wedding anniversary. From there, I'll be doing radiation (it's not clear how long I'll be doing this yet) followed by chemotheraphy (also unknown as to how long). The doses for radiation and chemo will be better known after the tumor and nodes are removed and sent to pathology for testing.
If the lymph nodes come back positive for cancer, I will require another surgery to remove those. Also, some of you have asked about reconstruction. The dr. said that 95% of these types of surgeries do not require plastic surgery, because my body should naturally build up scar tissue in the place where the tumor is being removed from. So, I should have a small scar from the incision, but nothing worse. The stitches will even be under the skin, instead of the outside.
Oh, and one more thing.... everyone keeps asking what stage of cancer it is. Sorry, but they really won't know until after the surgery exactly how large the tumor is and if/how far it may have spread. He said that the reason the tumor showed up bigger on the MRI than on the mammogram is that the MRI picks up everything, including inflamations. So, the tissue around the tumor could be inflamed, but not have cancer in it. We will find that out at the surgery.
I guess that's about it for now. Thank you to everyone that has called to wish me well, and for the e-mails I've recieved! It is so wonderful to have so many people care about me.
Love, ~Brenda
Surgery Tomorrow
Well, my surgery is tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but otherwise I'm ok. I think I'll spend some time alone listening to the CD's that Jude sent me tonight. I have to have my head in a happy place, and it hasn't been lately.
Tim and I are leaving in a few minutes for a final question/answer session with the surgeon. I have a whole list of questions written down, and Tim says he has a few, too. I'll take some notes, and try to write another blog this evening to let everyone know exactly what is happening and answer some of the most commonly asked questions.
Just a side note, we leave for the hospital at 7:30 tomorrow, drop off Carley at a friend's and then start the process of getting the injection for the Lymph Node Biopsey and so on. The surgery is at 10:55 tomorrow morning. If you could all set the alarms on your cell phones, watches, or whatever, and say a quick, silent prayer around that time, I would really appreciate it! I know God is watching over me, but every little bit helps, right?
Anyways, more later. I'll give an update on the meeting with the dr. Love, ~Brenda
Tim and I are leaving in a few minutes for a final question/answer session with the surgeon. I have a whole list of questions written down, and Tim says he has a few, too. I'll take some notes, and try to write another blog this evening to let everyone know exactly what is happening and answer some of the most commonly asked questions.
Just a side note, we leave for the hospital at 7:30 tomorrow, drop off Carley at a friend's and then start the process of getting the injection for the Lymph Node Biopsey and so on. The surgery is at 10:55 tomorrow morning. If you could all set the alarms on your cell phones, watches, or whatever, and say a quick, silent prayer around that time, I would really appreciate it! I know God is watching over me, but every little bit helps, right?
Anyways, more later. I'll give an update on the meeting with the dr. Love, ~Brenda
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Rough night
Well, yesterday and last night were pretty rough for me.
All along, I've had this "I don't feel sick, so there's nothing wrong with me" attitude. Then, Tim and I went to meet the radiation oncology doctor yesterday.
She is amazing! She didn't rush us, she listened to all of our questions and answered them completely. I am really glad to have her as part of the team that I'll be working with!
But, after the appointment, I went home and enjoyed some quiet time, where my mind slowly started to take over. By the time 6:00 rolled around and I had to go to work, I was NOT in a good place (in my head). Fortunately, I have one of the coolest bosses in the entire world. Betty closed the place down, gave me a few beers and let me just relax. I needed that more than she could possibly know! There was just no way my head was into working last night. I couldn't focus on anything. My mind was everywhere and nowhere all at one time. Definately a mess.
But, enough about that. I'm sure you all want to know what the dr said yesterday! lol.
Well, she talked about the surgery and any reconstruction that may need to be done. She told me about the radiation treatments, and then went on to tell me that because of my age and the size of the tumor, I'll also be doing chemo after the radiation to get any cells that may have moved somewhere else in my body. She confirmed what I already knew.... It's gonna be a long, ugly year!
But, I do have wonderful friends that live close by, family members offering to visit if I need them, and a boss that is flexible with whatever schedule I need to work around. I couldn't ask for a better support group at all!
Oh, and one more thing... Thank you to Jude and to Jannian for the care packages you sent to me! Jude, the cd's are very good. I can't thank you enough! I just need to get into the habit of setting time every day to enjoy them. Jannian.... I can't tell you how much fun it was opening your box of "goodies!" You never cease to amaze me! I love you!!!!
And finally, to my good friend, Chuck... Thank you for making sure that my emotional baggage and I got home in one piece last night! My Jeep was fine this morning when I picked it up. It's good to have friends to take care of you when you finally break down and let your emotions try to take over. I needed that!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween tonight. I can't wait to see all the kids in their costumes! Love and hugs, ~Brenda
All along, I've had this "I don't feel sick, so there's nothing wrong with me" attitude. Then, Tim and I went to meet the radiation oncology doctor yesterday.
She is amazing! She didn't rush us, she listened to all of our questions and answered them completely. I am really glad to have her as part of the team that I'll be working with!
But, after the appointment, I went home and enjoyed some quiet time, where my mind slowly started to take over. By the time 6:00 rolled around and I had to go to work, I was NOT in a good place (in my head). Fortunately, I have one of the coolest bosses in the entire world. Betty closed the place down, gave me a few beers and let me just relax. I needed that more than she could possibly know! There was just no way my head was into working last night. I couldn't focus on anything. My mind was everywhere and nowhere all at one time. Definately a mess.
But, enough about that. I'm sure you all want to know what the dr said yesterday! lol.
Well, she talked about the surgery and any reconstruction that may need to be done. She told me about the radiation treatments, and then went on to tell me that because of my age and the size of the tumor, I'll also be doing chemo after the radiation to get any cells that may have moved somewhere else in my body. She confirmed what I already knew.... It's gonna be a long, ugly year!
But, I do have wonderful friends that live close by, family members offering to visit if I need them, and a boss that is flexible with whatever schedule I need to work around. I couldn't ask for a better support group at all!
Oh, and one more thing... Thank you to Jude and to Jannian for the care packages you sent to me! Jude, the cd's are very good. I can't thank you enough! I just need to get into the habit of setting time every day to enjoy them. Jannian.... I can't tell you how much fun it was opening your box of "goodies!" You never cease to amaze me! I love you!!!!
And finally, to my good friend, Chuck... Thank you for making sure that my emotional baggage and I got home in one piece last night! My Jeep was fine this morning when I picked it up. It's good to have friends to take care of you when you finally break down and let your emotions try to take over. I needed that!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween tonight. I can't wait to see all the kids in their costumes! Love and hugs, ~Brenda
Monday, October 30, 2006
Red Fridays....
Support our troops
Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and twotogether. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'dbeen invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if hewas heading home.
No, he responded.
Heading out I asked?
No. I'm escorting a soldier home.
Going to pick him up?
No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq . I'm taking him home to his family.
The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch tothe gut. It was an honor for him.
He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to thes oldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.
I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.
Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeleyof the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."
Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.
So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.
Red Fridays
Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday.
The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the"silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America that supports our troops.
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that: every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.
The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is "We need your support and your prayers."
Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.
IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON. IF YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS -- THEN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON. IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and twotogether. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'dbeen invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if hewas heading home.
No, he responded.
Heading out I asked?
No. I'm escorting a soldier home.
Going to pick him up?
No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq . I'm taking him home to his family.
The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch tothe gut. It was an honor for him.
He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to thes oldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.
I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.
Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeleyof the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."
Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.
So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.
Red Fridays
Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday.
The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the"silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America that supports our troops.
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that: every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.
The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is "We need your support and your prayers."
Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.
IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON. IF YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS -- THEN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON. IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
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