Port Catheter results

Well, I got the catheter put in last night. Aunt Connie, I got your e-mail about Marie's, and I'm so sorry to hear that she's having so many problems with it. Can they remove it and put a new one in? I think I would definately ask. Sounds like the place that they put it was aweful! Mine is on my left side, just under my collar bone, so that it fits into that little groove. It's pretty sore today, but I don't think it's going to be too bad. It doesn't seem to be crooked or anything, but I'll be taking the bandage off tomorrow morning and will find out for sure.

As for my cyst that we recently found out about, I'm going in on Monday to have an ultrasound and get that checked. Hopefully it's nothing, but it's definately got to be looked into.

I guess that's about it for now. I just wanted to let everyone know that the port catheter surgery went without a hitch. They wanted to just sedate me, but I refused to be awake during surgery. I was so freaked out during the biopsey on my breast that I cried the whole time. I didn't want to go through that again, so I asked them to use general anestesia, which they did. Thank goodness for caring medical staff! I don't care much for my surgeon, but his staff is fabulous! Besides, Tim was right there, and I don't think the were gong to tell me "no" in front of him. He was stressing, so he had his "angry face" on. lol!

Love, Brenda

The news from last night.

Well, it's been a busy week. I had a dr's appt. on Monday, which was to make the appointment for Thursday to have my port catether put in. We're headed there in a little while.

On Tuesday, I had to drink barium dye (yummy.... not!) and have my PET scan. That was pretty uneventful.

Last night, the dr's office called me with the results of my CT scan, and they found a cyst on my left ovary. That scared me at first, and I'll admit that I'm still a little concerned, but the paperwork said that it is believed to be "unrelated to the known breast cancer." Plus, my friend, Tammy said that when she stopped taking birth control, she got a cyst, too, and they just put her back on BC to shrink it back down. Problem is that they're not going to put me back on BC because the hormones feed my cancer.

So, I'm supposed to be getting scheduled for an ultrasound so they can take a better look. I'll let you know more as I know more. Tim's pretty worried, though, because my tumor on my breast started out as a cyst and 6 months later, it was cancer. So, he doesn't know what to think. I try not to worry about too many things at once if I can help it, though.

I guess that's the news for now. Hope you're all doing well.
Love, ~Brenda

Second 1/2 of Port Catheter story.

Well, Tim and I wasted about 3 hours of our time today that we'll never get back. I'm so angry right now! Ya know, it's not the cancer that is eating away at me. It's the medical and insurance run-around related to their "curing" the cancer. Well, by the time they get around to doing anything, this anomoly body of mine will have cured it on it's own. Then, the medical community will take too long to take blood and tissue samples from me to share the cure with the rest of the world! I swear, it's like dealing with a government agency!!!

Ok, I'm not done venting, but I'll explain: Last week, when my dr's office called me to schedule this procedure, they told me not to eat for four hours before the surgery and to bring someone with me to drive. So, I hadn't eaten anything since last night, and Tim and I got there at 10am. After sitting in the waiting room for an hour, then in the patient's room for 1/2 an hour, the dr. walks in like a whirlwind (like he always does.... he's always in a terrible hurry). He takes 10 minutes to tell me what this port catheter is, where it will be located, how it is inserted and so on (all information that I already had) and groping my chest looking for any weird lumps at the same time. Then, he sits down and asks Tim and I if we have any questions and that is when we asked why they weren't doing the procedure today. He said that he didn't want to do any surgeries without first explaining things. Well, I can respect that, but I already had this same speech (with diagrams, minus the groping) from my oncologist, so could he just do his job, please???? Apparently not. "Come back on Thursday and it'll be done then." And he signed a piece of paper, told me to get with Chris (the surgery scheduler) and left the room the same way he came in.

So.... we wait in the waiting room again (for about another hour or so) and Chris comes out and gets other people, but never me. Finally, I ask the lady if he went to lunch or something, because I was the only person left there! So, another 1/2 hour rolls by, and we finally get back to his office.... and Chris doesn't know why the dr. sent me to him. The surgery was already scheduled for Thursday, so he didn't have to do it! "OH, but wait a minute.... you do need to sign this paperwork...." turns out that I had to wait about 1 1/2 hours to sign my name ONE time to ONE piece of paperwork, which happens to be the SAME PAGE that the dr. signed right in front of me earlier! I was livid.

So, port catheter surgery on Thursday. On the flip side, however, there was a cancelation at the PET scan place, and I'm getting my scan done tomorrow morning instead of on the 17th. So, I get to drink a bunch of barium dye for breakfast. Lucky me!

Grrrr! I'm having a crappy day, and I'm so sick of this emotional roller coaster! I feel like I'm losing my mind just dealing with all of this stuff. Tim did call and file a complaint report today against the dr. and his staff. I don't know what good it'll do, and it didn't give the same feeling of release as screaming at someone would have, but we do what we can, I guess. On the good side, there's a HOPE meeting that I'm going to tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe it'll help. I dunno.

Love, ~Brenda

P.S. A couple of more sites to check out if you feel inclined:

• A CT (or CAT) scan: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/ct-scan/FL00065
• A PET scan: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pet-scan/CA00052

Port Catheter insertion...

Well, today Tim is taking me back to the surgeon at Shand's Hospital to get a port catheter inserted into my chest. Here is a website to learn more, if you're interested. (Try not to look at the pictures, they were disturbing to me.)

http://www.mirs.org/rounds/ir_ports.htm

Now, they have to wait at least 7 days after this minor surgery to start chemo, but I'm scheduled for my PET scan on the 17th, so I won't be able to start until after that is finished. It's part of the several base-line scans that are to be done before they can start filling me full of draino.

For those of you that have been around me lately, I've been having some trouble dealing. I'm pushing away people who care, I'm angry, and honestly, I've been drinking quite a bit. Rather than head down the path to hell, I'm going to call my doctor on the base and see if he can get me some counseling. I have this crazy way of trying to make everyone else feel better, so I don't tell them what I'm thinking/feeling on the inside, and then it blows up like a volcano. (Besides, I'm not looking for sympathy, and who REALLY wants to know about someone else's issues?)

Anyways, things are progressing slowly. I went and got a couple of wigs from the American Cancer Society on Friday, which I'll take to have cut into a style I like and have them colored. I'm not entirely sure I'll wear them, though. They're a little creepy to me. They look cute on Carley though! lol.

I guess that's about all the news I have for now. Kids are back in school today (yay!). Ash's birthday was yesterday (15!) and we all went out to eat and she got an iPod... lucky kid! Her boyfriend took it home with him to download music on it for her, since she has no idea how to use it yet. I thought that was cute. I hope you're all doing well. Thank you for all the wonderful phone calls and e-mails that I've been getting! It's so nice to see how many people care and think about you!

Love, Brenda

Clinical Trial/Chemo update

Alright, I know a lot of you are getting fed up with this whole "hurry up and wait" business.... but believe me, nobody is getting as irritated as I am. Here's the skinny: I am NOT starting chemo today.

I repeat: I AM NOT STARTING CHEMO TODAY.

Why, you ask? Well, turns out that I'll be giving this clinical trial a shot (I'll get to more info on that in a minute), and I need to get a port put into my chest for the chemo to be fed into. (That's another trip to Shands, to see my surgeon.) Otherwise, my veins will be a mess from so many injections. So, messing around with TriCare once again, and it looks like I may be able to have it put in around the beginning of next week. We shall see. Then, they have to wait 7 days after the port is in before they can start chemo. So, I'll keep you updated.

As for the clinical trial, the drugs that will be given include (here are websites with more info):

Docetaxel (Taxotere) http://health.yahoo.com/drug/d04009a1;_ylt=AptZldqsi2e_6CnW9r7STcIkD7sF

Carboplatin (Paraplatin):
http://health.yahoo.com/drug/d00185a1;_ylt=AtJYuLwa33CR8Y3QW38yFW8kD7sF

Bevacizumab (Avastin):
http://health.yahoo.com/drug/d05214a1#d05214a1-important

Trastuzumab (Herceptin):
http://health.yahoo.com/drug/d04357a1;_ylt=Ag143k2SsVWDeiMVl3Cbb7MkD7sF

Now, if you take the time to look at the websites I've listed and see what goes on with these drugs, you may be asking why I'd opt for this clinical trial. Here's the deal...

I am an anomoly.
I am 31 years old (young).
I have a (paternal) family history of breast cancer.
On a scale of 1-3 for agressiveness, mine is a 3.

Getting into this trial ensures that I will be able to get the most advanced care possible. Since my cancer is so agressive, I need to be equally agressive. Plus, if you look up the three types of chemo that they were origionally going to give me, the health risks are similar.

Keep in mind that all the possible health risks listed are just that: risks. That does not mean that these things will happen to me. Try reading the warnings on a Tylenol bottle sometime. Yet, you still take them. Same with this. They have to tell you about the risks involved, no matter how big or small the risk is.

So, once again, my chemo has been delayed. They tell me how agressive the cancer is, but they sure are taking their time fighting it! On top of all that, my Mom is trying to figure out dates on when she should come to visit, but I don't have any answers for her. I know that has to be frustrating!

Anyways, I guess that means I'll just have to keep you all updated as I learn things. ~Brenda

Clinical Trials....

Ok here's the latest and greatest information that I have for now. The Chemo treatments that they are talking about and their side affects are:

Adriamycin Side Effects: decrease of white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets, hair loss, mouth sores, nail changes, discolored urine, severe sunburn with sun exposure.
Cytoxan Side Effects: decrease of white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets, mouth sores, decreased appetite, taste changes, hair loss or thinning, changes in menstrual cycle, bladder irritation, nasal congestion.

I am supposed to get bloodwork done today, and Tim and I were supposed to have a "class" with one of the nurses to teach us how to care for me properly during chemo. But, I got a phone call from my oncologist's research assistant yesterday, and she said that I'm an excellent candidate for a clinical trial. Really, that's all I know so far. We're supposed to talk to her today, and she's going to give us all the info to see if it's right for me. I'll keep you all updated on that.

Here's a good website on describing what a clinical trial is and does. Good source of information. http://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct/info/resources;jsessionid=FBE56EAD676A03AB85E2C45

Also, if they do continue ahead with the chemo, I will find out if I'll be taking Tamoxifen every 3 weeks over the course of the next year. That's the part that my oncologist had not decided about yet. So, I'll give everyone an update on that, too.

Finally, one last bit of news... My Mom is coming to stay with me. I'm looking forward to seeing her, and she's going to stay and help out with the kids and so on while I'm sick. That way, Tim can continue with his work and not miss too much, and also continue with the house construction. Hopefully this will work out well for us all. We just need to get her paperwork done so that she can take family/medical leave from her job. No biggie.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. I hope everyone had a Happy New Year! Love, ~Brenda

Chemo Schedule....

Alright, everybody... I had my appointment yesterday with the oncologist. First, I'd like to say that I really like her a lot. She sat down and explained a lot to me, that nobody else would. My appointment lasted 1 1/2 hours, because she went through everything for me. Whatever I wasn't sure of due to medical jargon, she explained to me. She even wrote down notes in a book for me, so I could just sit and listen. So, here's what we have so far... A schedule:
12/28: Flu shot and pneumonia vaccine
12/29: Orange Park Medical Center for some scan (I forget what it was)
1/3: Bloodwork, followed by a training session for Tim and I with a nurse about chemo, how to care for yourself, etc.
1/4: Start Adriamycin and Cysoxan (chemo meds), which I will take once every 14 days for 2 months.

The oncologist is still trying to decide if she wants to put me on Herceptin or not. She says that they've had a lot of positive results with it, but it's usually reserved for people whose cancer has gotten into their lymph nodes. However, mine was rather agressive, and even though we caught it in time, and she is still considering it. If I do have to do Herceptin, it'll be given every 3 weeks for 1 year.

The side effects of the Chemo include hair loss, urine turnes red (because the meds are red), lowered white blood cells (risk of infection), lowered red blood cells (risk of anemia), and lowered platelets. So, blood work will be done weekly to keep track of those things. It also carries a 1-2% chance of heart problems, so there will also be scans on my heart regularly.

According to the oncologist, I'm an "anomoly." Great. How do I react to that? It's so unusual to find someone my age with breast cancer, apparently. Which makes it more difficult for me, because I want a support group full of people my age. How did it affect their families, their children, their marriages, their jobs, their health? Grrrr....

Anyways, I have markers for estrogen, so after chemo, I'll be on Tamoxifen, which basically puts my body through the symptoms of menopause. These are pills that have to be taken daily for 5 years.

Also, I have another appointment in March with my radiologist to figure out when that will all get started. So, while I'm not full of great news, at least it is news. I'm moving in a forward direction, which is better than I was, when I was just sitting around waiting on the insurance company.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and wishing you a Happy and very Health New Year for you and your families. Love, ~Brenda

Cool website!

Check out this really neat website that I found. You can ask any kinds of questions or start discussions, and read other people's questions, participate in discussions, and so on. What's pretty neat, too, is that they actually pay you to do this! Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna get rich or anything, because I only made about $1.50 in a day, but it's fun to just check out different discussions and take part in them. It makes you think... and it can also help you find answers to things that you've wondered but didn't know. Anyways, here it is, if you're interested!

http://www.mylot.com/?ref=jeepstergirl

Love, ~B

Have an appointment

Here is a picture of our "Florida Family." You all know Tim and I, and there's Ashleigh and Carley. Tammy (My best friend) is next to me, and her daughter, Brittany, and her husband, Kevin, is standing. We all went out to eat on Sunday, and had this picture taken. Their other daughter, Jessica is the only one missing from the picture. But, they live 9/10 of a mile away, and Carley even calls them "Aunt Tammy" and "Uncle Kevin." I can't even begin to imagine where I'd be without the love and support of these people. They are the most loving, caring people that I know.

Ok, so anyways, I finally got the whole oncologist thing figured out. Apparently, Tricare DID send my referrel, but it had an incorrect phone number on it. So, the doctor's office kept trying to call me and leave me messages but it wasn't actually ME, apparently. So, I when I had called tricare, the lady was looking in the computer under pending referrals, instead of all of my referrals, and so I was told that it wasn't even in the computer. So, I called my dr. on base, who called the breast care manager/nurse at the base hospital, who called my surgeon at Shand's, who called my radiologist at Shand's, who got the oncologist the correct phone number and finally called me yesterday... Geez! lol.

So, long story short.... I have an appointment on the afternoon of December 27th. That appointment is when I find out all about the cycles of chemo I'll be doing, and so on. Then, they'll set me up to get started with the actual drugs. Lucky me! (not) But, it's something that I need to do, weather I want to or not, and I know that I have family that will help Tim and I out when/if we need it. My Mom is the first on my list to help out. She's been just patiently waiting for me to give her the "go ahead" to get time off work and come down here to help out. I know Carley's really excited to see her! She talks about her all the time.

Anyways, not much else going on. Just working on the house. The stairs are in and the second story has been started!!! It's so cool. I'm very excited about all of that. Otherwise, not much else going on.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! Happy Holidays from our family to all of yours!

Love, ~Brenda

It's been a while...

Hey, everyone! Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. We've been super-busy, and there hasn't really been any new news with my chemo. I am dealing with Tri-Care again (anyone surprised?) trying to get the referral from them just so I can MEET my chemo doctor, let alone start treatments! I'm supposed to be starting them soon, from what I understand. I guess we'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm attempting to find an online job that pays better than what I'm doing now, and that I can do from home. It'll be a lot better when I'm not feeling that great some days. Besides, since I quit smoking, the second-had smoke really bothers me when I'm working and the next morning. Also, I'm not making enough money being a bartender, and between what little I make, Christmas coming up, and the construction on the house... well, let's just say it's not pretty. Unfortunately, Tim and I probably won't be spending too much money on anyone this year other than the girls. Sorry in advance!

I guess that's about it for now. I did go and get my hair cut short... and it looks cute! I had some friends go with me and have two more friends that want to do it, too! Thanks to Tammy, Brittany and Jessica for going with me to get my hair cut! I got a style that CAN go into a mohawk, but isn't like that every day. Jannian and Stephen, let me know if you're still interested in hair cuts! I'll send you pictures of us.

Well, love and hugs to everyone this holiday season! I hope you're all doing well! Love, ~Brenda

Our 9th Anniversary

Well, it's been a busy week in the Austin household! Tim has several household projects going at once. He has built a wall to create a formal foyer, is digging a well to water the lawn with, in order to save money on our utility bill, and has been landscaping. On top of that, we are moving forward with the plans to build another bedroom and bath upstairs. Unfortunately, our engineer friend that is working on that project seems to be dragging his feet. I was hoping to have that project well on it's way by now, and finished before Christmas, and they haven't even started it yet! Grrrr.... Oh, and we haven't even gotten any of our Christmas decorations out yet!

Besides the chaos of living with constant construction, I have also been moving forward with my doctor's appointments. I had my post-surgery check-up on Tuesday, and everything came out fine. There was no new news from pathology, which is good! I am unhappy with how my breast is healing because I have a large divit removed, and the "girls" are definately not a matching set anymore. This bothers me probably more than it should. Tim says we'll just worry about reconstruction later if need be. That still doesn't make me less angry.... although I have nobody to really be angry at. The surgeon? No, because he had to take it all out. Me? No, because it's not my fault that I got breast cancer. Who else? Really, it's just the nature of the beast. I know that, but I don't have to like it.

I also went to see my Radiologist on Tuesday. She had some interesting news for me. She is the doctor that I really like. She is clear, takes her time explaining things, and just gives me an overall comfortable feeling. But, she had some surprising news for me. Apparently, they are going to do Chemo before doing radiation. I was expecting it to be the other way around, since I haven't even spoken to the doctor that does Chemo yet. But, she said that they usually start Chemo 3-4 weeks after surgery. So, let's do the math.... My surgery was the day before Thanksgiving, so that would put my first treatment right around Christmas. Merry Christmas to me.....

So, from what I understand, it takes a few weeks before you start feeling really crappy, so my Mom wants to visit and help out. I'm looking at having her come down and stay sometime after the new year. That way, she won't have to deal with the holiday travelers and by that time I will be feeling pretty crappy and will be needing some assistance. It'll be nice to see her again, too. I hate that it's under these circumstances. Plus, maybe the upstairs will be finished by the time she gets here, and she'll have her own place to stay! That would be nice. We'll see, though. That project is taking too long.

Meanwhile, on a lighter note.... Tim and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary last night. It was very nice. For those of you that have known us for a long time.... it's a miracle that we are where we are right now. Because of all the crap we went through, we've grown up a lot, and have grown a lot closer. He is truely my best friend and I couldn't ask for anyone better. So, we went out to Carraba's for dinner, and enjoyed a wonderful meal including champagne and chocolate cake (heaven) for dessert. We went home stuffed to the gills, happy, and exhausted. lol! The years must be catching up to us. That's ok, though. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be spending my life with!

Oh, and one final note.... my last cigarette was on November 18th. Does that make me an official quitter yet??? lol! Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Love, ~Brenda

I'm Thankful

Things I'm Thankful for...

I sat down for about a 1/2 hour today and tried to think of as many things as I could to be thankful for in my life. I know that there is a LOT more that I could list, but this is what I got in only 30 minutes. It's nice to sit down and reflect on what you've done and where you've been. Sometimes, the things that don't seem great at the time turn out to be a blessing in the long run, too. Love, ~Brenda

Being a Mom, Wife, Aunt, Friend.
Paris in the summertime
Motorcycle rallies in Portugal
An breast cancer surviving aunt
My daughter’s face at Chuck E. Cheese’s
Having a yellow jeep
Friends that feel like family
Swimming in the Dead Sea
Quitting Smoking
Horseback riding
Campfires, hot dogs and marshmallows
Tire swings
My husband; my rock
Living with the constant excuse of drywall dust
A husband that has several projects going at once
The love of my Dog and my Cat
Best friends: Jannian, Tammy K., Sylvia, Rachele, and Tammy B.
Scoops and Salsa Fresca from Sam’s
Schwan’s Fudge Ripple ice cream
Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”
Loud music coming from Ash’s room
The smell of Play Dough
Cell phones and digital cameras
Sleeping in and afternoon naps
Double stuff Oreo’s and milk
Warm rain and rainbows
Fresh paint
Vegetables of all kinds
Pie: apple, chocolate, pumpkin, key lime….
A plastic surgeon in Spain
Coming home just as the sun comes up
An ice cold beer
Giggling with my kids
Rock-n-Roll
Questions from children
Tim’s tiny, gentle kisses along my spine
Tim trying to teach me to ski
Carley trying to “read” a map on the Paris subway
Ash trying to burn down the Eiffel Tower
Tim almost burning down our house
Visiting the Louve and seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time.
Riding a camel in Dubai
Being a strong, beautiful, capable woman
Seeing the “Phantom of the Opera” with my Mom in Detroit
Trips to Canada and Niagara Falls with my Mom
Summers spent on the farm
My hat and scarf collection
Nail polish and make up on my “ugly” days
“The Princess Bride”
Relatives planning to visit
Letters from my Grandma!
Living in Florida
Christmas lights on palm trees
Halloween and costumes
Beautiful gowns for the annual Christmas party
Pittsburgh Steelers
University of Michigan Wolverines
Detroit Red Wings
My fuzzy, orange blanket
Comfort food
Pasta
The smell of preschool and kindergarten classrooms: juice, crayons, and paste
Macaroni art and jewelry
Bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s
Fall colors in Michigan
Growing up with an amazing father!!!
Dried roses, old photographs, strands of pearls
A husband who always want6s to hold my hand, draws me baths, and makes me hot toddies
French Onion soup
Tulips, lilies and roses
Caterpillars
The Statue of Liberty, Old Glory, nd the US Military
Helicopter rides out of Naples
10 classes until graduation
The word searches and comics in the Sunday paper
Football and Hockey seasons
Reading
Shel Silverstine poems
Public library cards
Sticky little fingers holding my hand
Spilled milk
Blissful silence
That there was no room in the inn
Crab legs and lemon butter
Seeing “Stomp” twice
Friends that live only 9/10 of a mile away
“Amazing Grace”
Church bells
Sushi
That the vow, “in sickness and in health” really means something
Forgiveness
Girl Scout cookies: Thin Mints and Samoa’s
Visiting the Ocean and the smell of Salt Water
Disney World
Cedar Point and roller coasters
6th grade Toronto trip
Bedtime prayers
My brother’s Kermit the Frog imitations from when we were kids
7 years in the Navy and 2 Med cruises
Taking the train from Seville, Spain to Paris, France
That the tomb was empty
Sunshine
Muscle shirts
Braces
Christmas lights

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey, everyone! I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday! I got up and made cinnamon rolls (out of a can) this morning and I thought my kids were gonna attack me for them! I guess I don't make them often enough. lol.

I had my second surgery yesterday, and all seemed to go well. I was in and back out in about an hour. I spent the rest of the day in bed catching up on old episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I love that show! lol.

Today, Tim is going to fry a turkey, and then we're going to go to Kevin and Tammy's house and take it easy. This way, I don't have to cook. I am a little sore from surgery, and I'm not allowed to lift anything. Besides, I'm on drugs right now, and the dr. told me that I'm not to be driving or cooking for a couple of days.

We wanted to go to Atlanta to visit Tim's Dad and Jane today, but I don't think I'd be able to tolerate a 6-hour car ride right now, as much as I really would love to see them. So, Tom and Jane, I hope to get to see you soon... just not this weekend. Have fun at the Vols game on Saturday! I love you!

To everyone else, have a wonderful holiday! I am thankful for all of my friends and family this year, and most especially for the gift of health. I realize that I am fighting cancer, but every day is a bright, beautiful day towards the end of my battle. I am learning to cherish the NOW and not worry so much about TOMORROW. Everything has a wonderful new meaning to me. I know that having a cancer diagnosis is never good, but you wouldn't believe the way it changes your outlook on life. I do believe that there are some blessings that God ment for me to find with this. Maybe it's His little way of telling me to slow down and take my time.

Oh, and one more thing... I want to brag just a little: I have quit smoking! My last cigarette was on Saturday around noon, and I haven't had one since! I've managed to quit "cold turkey" and so far so good. I have a deep-down feeling this time that I've never had the other times I've quit: I really do feel like it's "forever" this time. I really don't need that negative part in my life, and I do want to be finished with it. So, that is my gift to myself. Sometimes you just need to do the right thing.

Ok, I guess that's it for now. Have a wonderful holiday! Love, ~Brenda

"Sometimes the best we can do when we get to the end of our rope is to just tie a knot and hang on." ~Vickie Girard

Second Surgery

Hey, Everyone! It's about 6am, and Tim and I are leaving for the hospital in a few minutes for my second surgery. It should be less invasive than the first one, since they're not messing with my nodes this time. Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Love, ~Brenda

Getting a haircut

Ok, It has been decided...

When I start going through chemo treatments, I was planning on cutting my hair short, because it won't be as traumatic when it starts to fall out as it would be if it were longer. But then, some of my friends and I were talking and decided that we should get mohawks until my hair begins to fall out.

Brittany said that hers is going to be black with pink tips. I'm thinking of just all pink.

The way I see it, I never went through a "crazy hair" stage when I was younger, so why not do it now before it falls out? I think it'll be fun. Don't worry, I'll take plenty of pictures when the time comes!! Anyone else want to take part in supporting me with a mohawk? lol!

Love, ~B

One Flaw in Women

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Update After the Weekend

Hey, everyone! Sorry I haven't been on here in a few days, but not too much was happening in my life that was worth writing about! But, let's see....

Tim was on leave all last week to help take care of me, so he had some friends over and got some landscaping done, they got the toe moulding down around the house, built a wall to create a formal foyer, and are working on the plans to build our upstairs. This is going to be really great!

Otherwise, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, but it was no biggie. He just went over what he told me the other day, and told me how he was going to do the next surgery. That will take place the day before Thanksgiving, so looks like I won't be cooking this year! lol.

My first appointment with the radiologist is still on the 28th of November, but I don't think we'll be starting treatments at that time because of the fresh incision made before Thanksgiving.

Also, I went back to work last night. It was pretty uneventful... after all, it was a Monday. It was nice to see everyone again, though. I love my family, but sometimes you just need to see a new face.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. If I go a few days without writing, just remember:
No news is usually good news!

Love, Brenda

Wednesday's Appointment

Well, I know that a lot of you have been waiting to find out what the news was at my appointment yesterday. I couldn't remember what time I had to be there, so I called first. Thank goodness I did, because come to find out, the pathology reports weren't back yet. So, he wouldn't have had any news for me. So, the appointment to look at my stitches and how I'm healing isn't until Monday now.

As far as the results, the dr. just called a little while ago. The lymph nodes came back negative for cancer.... YAY! As for the tumor itself, the invasive cancer only took up about 1cm of the tumor. It was surrounded by what they call "pre-cancer" or non-invasive. He said that it looks like they got all of it out with the exception of one area, so he wants to get back in and take more out in that area. That would also be an outpatient procedure. We're looking at getting that done before Thanksgiving, which will probably put my radiation date off a little longer.

If anyone is wondering, the results were needed for a few reasons. One is so that they could see if the cancer had indeed spread. Two was to be alble to stage the cancer. They also use this information to know how much radiation I'll need, and to get more info on the chemo that I'll be going through.

So, at my appointment on Monday, we'll discuss the results in further detail and go from there.

Otherwise, just laying low and nursing my right side. The cut under my armpit is really sore, so I have to be careful with how much I lift and so on. Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty healthy.

Hope all is well with everyone else!
Love, Brenda

My e-card

A friend of mine sent me the most beautiful e-card today, and I had to share what it said. I wish I could have copied the picture and everything, but couldn't. Anyways, it's nice to hear what other people think of you, especially when you don't notice these qualities in yourself.

Chuck, Thank you! I appreciate your friendship!
Love, ~Brenda

Standing for what you believe in
regardless of the odds against you, and
the pressure that tears at your resistance
...is Courage.

Keeping a smile on your face when inside you
feel like dying, for the sake of supporting others
...is Strength.

Stopping at nothing and doing what's
in your heart that you know is right
...is Determination.

Doing more than is expected, to make
another's life a little more bearable,
without uttering a single complaint
...is Compassion.

Helping a friend in need, no matter the
time or effort, to the best of your ability
...is Loyalty.

Being the best you know you can be when life
seems to fall apart at your feet, facing each
difficulty with the confidence that time will bring
better tomorrows, and never giving up...
...is Confidence.

Have A Fantastic Day
It Makes Me Happy To Know You're Part Of My Life

Well, it's Tuesday

Hey, everyone!

Well, it's Tuesday, and I'm bored out of my mind. Seems like every time I try to do something around here, I get "caught." I was taking out the trash yesterday, and my Mom called.... Damn! Caught! lol Saturday, I was picking up some stuff around the house, and got a phone call.... Damn! Caught! Seems like everyone tells me to take it easy, but I'm BORED, BORED, BORED.... I don't make a very good sick person. My armpit is still sore, and I have to be careful with what I lift with my right arm because of it, but my left side is fine! Grrrr.... lol. I'm gonna lose my mind. I have found that if I bend over too far, or reach too far for anything, I can feel my stitches tug. Obviously, I don't want to tear them open or anything, but I can't help but feel useless. Very annoying.

Ok, I'm finished ranting.

I plan to return to work next Monday. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to find out what the pathologist discovered about my tumor and the lymph nodes. My radiation appointment is on the 28th of November, because they wanted to give 3 weeks for the cuts to heal totally before starting Radiation.

Oh, here's a cute story: As many of you know, I'm taking percocet (spelling?) for the pain. When I take it, I am supposed to eat something. So, Saturday morning, I got up, took my pill, and just had some cottage cheese, because I wasn't very hungary. About 10 minutes later, I was high as a kite! lol. It was pretty funny, because Tim had me in the front yard, trying to explain his landscaping plans to me, and I just stood there, swaying back and forth, not hearing a word he said. Finally, he stopped talking and I carried my happy butt back to bed. I guess I had better take more than just some cottage cheese with those pills!

Not much else going on. We are slowly moving ahead with the plans to add an upstairs to the house. Hopefully, it will be done before Christmas. I don't want to be under construction during the holidays, if I can help it. Anyways, thanks for all of the kind e-mails I've gotten lately. I'll sit down either today or tomorrow and write some people back.

Love, ~Brenda