Cool website!

Check out this really neat website that I found. You can ask any kinds of questions or start discussions, and read other people's questions, participate in discussions, and so on. What's pretty neat, too, is that they actually pay you to do this! Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna get rich or anything, because I only made about $1.50 in a day, but it's fun to just check out different discussions and take part in them. It makes you think... and it can also help you find answers to things that you've wondered but didn't know. Anyways, here it is, if you're interested!

http://www.mylot.com/?ref=jeepstergirl

Love, ~B

Have an appointment

Here is a picture of our "Florida Family." You all know Tim and I, and there's Ashleigh and Carley. Tammy (My best friend) is next to me, and her daughter, Brittany, and her husband, Kevin, is standing. We all went out to eat on Sunday, and had this picture taken. Their other daughter, Jessica is the only one missing from the picture. But, they live 9/10 of a mile away, and Carley even calls them "Aunt Tammy" and "Uncle Kevin." I can't even begin to imagine where I'd be without the love and support of these people. They are the most loving, caring people that I know.

Ok, so anyways, I finally got the whole oncologist thing figured out. Apparently, Tricare DID send my referrel, but it had an incorrect phone number on it. So, the doctor's office kept trying to call me and leave me messages but it wasn't actually ME, apparently. So, I when I had called tricare, the lady was looking in the computer under pending referrals, instead of all of my referrals, and so I was told that it wasn't even in the computer. So, I called my dr. on base, who called the breast care manager/nurse at the base hospital, who called my surgeon at Shand's, who called my radiologist at Shand's, who got the oncologist the correct phone number and finally called me yesterday... Geez! lol.

So, long story short.... I have an appointment on the afternoon of December 27th. That appointment is when I find out all about the cycles of chemo I'll be doing, and so on. Then, they'll set me up to get started with the actual drugs. Lucky me! (not) But, it's something that I need to do, weather I want to or not, and I know that I have family that will help Tim and I out when/if we need it. My Mom is the first on my list to help out. She's been just patiently waiting for me to give her the "go ahead" to get time off work and come down here to help out. I know Carley's really excited to see her! She talks about her all the time.

Anyways, not much else going on. Just working on the house. The stairs are in and the second story has been started!!! It's so cool. I'm very excited about all of that. Otherwise, not much else going on.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! Happy Holidays from our family to all of yours!

Love, ~Brenda

It's been a while...

Hey, everyone! Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. We've been super-busy, and there hasn't really been any new news with my chemo. I am dealing with Tri-Care again (anyone surprised?) trying to get the referral from them just so I can MEET my chemo doctor, let alone start treatments! I'm supposed to be starting them soon, from what I understand. I guess we'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm attempting to find an online job that pays better than what I'm doing now, and that I can do from home. It'll be a lot better when I'm not feeling that great some days. Besides, since I quit smoking, the second-had smoke really bothers me when I'm working and the next morning. Also, I'm not making enough money being a bartender, and between what little I make, Christmas coming up, and the construction on the house... well, let's just say it's not pretty. Unfortunately, Tim and I probably won't be spending too much money on anyone this year other than the girls. Sorry in advance!

I guess that's about it for now. I did go and get my hair cut short... and it looks cute! I had some friends go with me and have two more friends that want to do it, too! Thanks to Tammy, Brittany and Jessica for going with me to get my hair cut! I got a style that CAN go into a mohawk, but isn't like that every day. Jannian and Stephen, let me know if you're still interested in hair cuts! I'll send you pictures of us.

Well, love and hugs to everyone this holiday season! I hope you're all doing well! Love, ~Brenda

Our 9th Anniversary

Well, it's been a busy week in the Austin household! Tim has several household projects going at once. He has built a wall to create a formal foyer, is digging a well to water the lawn with, in order to save money on our utility bill, and has been landscaping. On top of that, we are moving forward with the plans to build another bedroom and bath upstairs. Unfortunately, our engineer friend that is working on that project seems to be dragging his feet. I was hoping to have that project well on it's way by now, and finished before Christmas, and they haven't even started it yet! Grrrr.... Oh, and we haven't even gotten any of our Christmas decorations out yet!

Besides the chaos of living with constant construction, I have also been moving forward with my doctor's appointments. I had my post-surgery check-up on Tuesday, and everything came out fine. There was no new news from pathology, which is good! I am unhappy with how my breast is healing because I have a large divit removed, and the "girls" are definately not a matching set anymore. This bothers me probably more than it should. Tim says we'll just worry about reconstruction later if need be. That still doesn't make me less angry.... although I have nobody to really be angry at. The surgeon? No, because he had to take it all out. Me? No, because it's not my fault that I got breast cancer. Who else? Really, it's just the nature of the beast. I know that, but I don't have to like it.

I also went to see my Radiologist on Tuesday. She had some interesting news for me. She is the doctor that I really like. She is clear, takes her time explaining things, and just gives me an overall comfortable feeling. But, she had some surprising news for me. Apparently, they are going to do Chemo before doing radiation. I was expecting it to be the other way around, since I haven't even spoken to the doctor that does Chemo yet. But, she said that they usually start Chemo 3-4 weeks after surgery. So, let's do the math.... My surgery was the day before Thanksgiving, so that would put my first treatment right around Christmas. Merry Christmas to me.....

So, from what I understand, it takes a few weeks before you start feeling really crappy, so my Mom wants to visit and help out. I'm looking at having her come down and stay sometime after the new year. That way, she won't have to deal with the holiday travelers and by that time I will be feeling pretty crappy and will be needing some assistance. It'll be nice to see her again, too. I hate that it's under these circumstances. Plus, maybe the upstairs will be finished by the time she gets here, and she'll have her own place to stay! That would be nice. We'll see, though. That project is taking too long.

Meanwhile, on a lighter note.... Tim and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary last night. It was very nice. For those of you that have known us for a long time.... it's a miracle that we are where we are right now. Because of all the crap we went through, we've grown up a lot, and have grown a lot closer. He is truely my best friend and I couldn't ask for anyone better. So, we went out to Carraba's for dinner, and enjoyed a wonderful meal including champagne and chocolate cake (heaven) for dessert. We went home stuffed to the gills, happy, and exhausted. lol! The years must be catching up to us. That's ok, though. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be spending my life with!

Oh, and one final note.... my last cigarette was on November 18th. Does that make me an official quitter yet??? lol! Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Love, ~Brenda

I'm Thankful

Things I'm Thankful for...

I sat down for about a 1/2 hour today and tried to think of as many things as I could to be thankful for in my life. I know that there is a LOT more that I could list, but this is what I got in only 30 minutes. It's nice to sit down and reflect on what you've done and where you've been. Sometimes, the things that don't seem great at the time turn out to be a blessing in the long run, too. Love, ~Brenda

Being a Mom, Wife, Aunt, Friend.
Paris in the summertime
Motorcycle rallies in Portugal
An breast cancer surviving aunt
My daughter’s face at Chuck E. Cheese’s
Having a yellow jeep
Friends that feel like family
Swimming in the Dead Sea
Quitting Smoking
Horseback riding
Campfires, hot dogs and marshmallows
Tire swings
My husband; my rock
Living with the constant excuse of drywall dust
A husband that has several projects going at once
The love of my Dog and my Cat
Best friends: Jannian, Tammy K., Sylvia, Rachele, and Tammy B.
Scoops and Salsa Fresca from Sam’s
Schwan’s Fudge Ripple ice cream
Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”
Loud music coming from Ash’s room
The smell of Play Dough
Cell phones and digital cameras
Sleeping in and afternoon naps
Double stuff Oreo’s and milk
Warm rain and rainbows
Fresh paint
Vegetables of all kinds
Pie: apple, chocolate, pumpkin, key lime….
A plastic surgeon in Spain
Coming home just as the sun comes up
An ice cold beer
Giggling with my kids
Rock-n-Roll
Questions from children
Tim’s tiny, gentle kisses along my spine
Tim trying to teach me to ski
Carley trying to “read” a map on the Paris subway
Ash trying to burn down the Eiffel Tower
Tim almost burning down our house
Visiting the Louve and seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time.
Riding a camel in Dubai
Being a strong, beautiful, capable woman
Seeing the “Phantom of the Opera” with my Mom in Detroit
Trips to Canada and Niagara Falls with my Mom
Summers spent on the farm
My hat and scarf collection
Nail polish and make up on my “ugly” days
“The Princess Bride”
Relatives planning to visit
Letters from my Grandma!
Living in Florida
Christmas lights on palm trees
Halloween and costumes
Beautiful gowns for the annual Christmas party
Pittsburgh Steelers
University of Michigan Wolverines
Detroit Red Wings
My fuzzy, orange blanket
Comfort food
Pasta
The smell of preschool and kindergarten classrooms: juice, crayons, and paste
Macaroni art and jewelry
Bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s
Fall colors in Michigan
Growing up with an amazing father!!!
Dried roses, old photographs, strands of pearls
A husband who always want6s to hold my hand, draws me baths, and makes me hot toddies
French Onion soup
Tulips, lilies and roses
Caterpillars
The Statue of Liberty, Old Glory, nd the US Military
Helicopter rides out of Naples
10 classes until graduation
The word searches and comics in the Sunday paper
Football and Hockey seasons
Reading
Shel Silverstine poems
Public library cards
Sticky little fingers holding my hand
Spilled milk
Blissful silence
That there was no room in the inn
Crab legs and lemon butter
Seeing “Stomp” twice
Friends that live only 9/10 of a mile away
“Amazing Grace”
Church bells
Sushi
That the vow, “in sickness and in health” really means something
Forgiveness
Girl Scout cookies: Thin Mints and Samoa’s
Visiting the Ocean and the smell of Salt Water
Disney World
Cedar Point and roller coasters
6th grade Toronto trip
Bedtime prayers
My brother’s Kermit the Frog imitations from when we were kids
7 years in the Navy and 2 Med cruises
Taking the train from Seville, Spain to Paris, France
That the tomb was empty
Sunshine
Muscle shirts
Braces
Christmas lights

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey, everyone! I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday! I got up and made cinnamon rolls (out of a can) this morning and I thought my kids were gonna attack me for them! I guess I don't make them often enough. lol.

I had my second surgery yesterday, and all seemed to go well. I was in and back out in about an hour. I spent the rest of the day in bed catching up on old episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I love that show! lol.

Today, Tim is going to fry a turkey, and then we're going to go to Kevin and Tammy's house and take it easy. This way, I don't have to cook. I am a little sore from surgery, and I'm not allowed to lift anything. Besides, I'm on drugs right now, and the dr. told me that I'm not to be driving or cooking for a couple of days.

We wanted to go to Atlanta to visit Tim's Dad and Jane today, but I don't think I'd be able to tolerate a 6-hour car ride right now, as much as I really would love to see them. So, Tom and Jane, I hope to get to see you soon... just not this weekend. Have fun at the Vols game on Saturday! I love you!

To everyone else, have a wonderful holiday! I am thankful for all of my friends and family this year, and most especially for the gift of health. I realize that I am fighting cancer, but every day is a bright, beautiful day towards the end of my battle. I am learning to cherish the NOW and not worry so much about TOMORROW. Everything has a wonderful new meaning to me. I know that having a cancer diagnosis is never good, but you wouldn't believe the way it changes your outlook on life. I do believe that there are some blessings that God ment for me to find with this. Maybe it's His little way of telling me to slow down and take my time.

Oh, and one more thing... I want to brag just a little: I have quit smoking! My last cigarette was on Saturday around noon, and I haven't had one since! I've managed to quit "cold turkey" and so far so good. I have a deep-down feeling this time that I've never had the other times I've quit: I really do feel like it's "forever" this time. I really don't need that negative part in my life, and I do want to be finished with it. So, that is my gift to myself. Sometimes you just need to do the right thing.

Ok, I guess that's it for now. Have a wonderful holiday! Love, ~Brenda

"Sometimes the best we can do when we get to the end of our rope is to just tie a knot and hang on." ~Vickie Girard

Second Surgery

Hey, Everyone! It's about 6am, and Tim and I are leaving for the hospital in a few minutes for my second surgery. It should be less invasive than the first one, since they're not messing with my nodes this time. Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Love, ~Brenda

Getting a haircut

Ok, It has been decided...

When I start going through chemo treatments, I was planning on cutting my hair short, because it won't be as traumatic when it starts to fall out as it would be if it were longer. But then, some of my friends and I were talking and decided that we should get mohawks until my hair begins to fall out.

Brittany said that hers is going to be black with pink tips. I'm thinking of just all pink.

The way I see it, I never went through a "crazy hair" stage when I was younger, so why not do it now before it falls out? I think it'll be fun. Don't worry, I'll take plenty of pictures when the time comes!! Anyone else want to take part in supporting me with a mohawk? lol!

Love, ~B

One Flaw in Women

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Update After the Weekend

Hey, everyone! Sorry I haven't been on here in a few days, but not too much was happening in my life that was worth writing about! But, let's see....

Tim was on leave all last week to help take care of me, so he had some friends over and got some landscaping done, they got the toe moulding down around the house, built a wall to create a formal foyer, and are working on the plans to build our upstairs. This is going to be really great!

Otherwise, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, but it was no biggie. He just went over what he told me the other day, and told me how he was going to do the next surgery. That will take place the day before Thanksgiving, so looks like I won't be cooking this year! lol.

My first appointment with the radiologist is still on the 28th of November, but I don't think we'll be starting treatments at that time because of the fresh incision made before Thanksgiving.

Also, I went back to work last night. It was pretty uneventful... after all, it was a Monday. It was nice to see everyone again, though. I love my family, but sometimes you just need to see a new face.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. If I go a few days without writing, just remember:
No news is usually good news!

Love, Brenda

Wednesday's Appointment

Well, I know that a lot of you have been waiting to find out what the news was at my appointment yesterday. I couldn't remember what time I had to be there, so I called first. Thank goodness I did, because come to find out, the pathology reports weren't back yet. So, he wouldn't have had any news for me. So, the appointment to look at my stitches and how I'm healing isn't until Monday now.

As far as the results, the dr. just called a little while ago. The lymph nodes came back negative for cancer.... YAY! As for the tumor itself, the invasive cancer only took up about 1cm of the tumor. It was surrounded by what they call "pre-cancer" or non-invasive. He said that it looks like they got all of it out with the exception of one area, so he wants to get back in and take more out in that area. That would also be an outpatient procedure. We're looking at getting that done before Thanksgiving, which will probably put my radiation date off a little longer.

If anyone is wondering, the results were needed for a few reasons. One is so that they could see if the cancer had indeed spread. Two was to be alble to stage the cancer. They also use this information to know how much radiation I'll need, and to get more info on the chemo that I'll be going through.

So, at my appointment on Monday, we'll discuss the results in further detail and go from there.

Otherwise, just laying low and nursing my right side. The cut under my armpit is really sore, so I have to be careful with how much I lift and so on. Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty healthy.

Hope all is well with everyone else!
Love, Brenda

My e-card

A friend of mine sent me the most beautiful e-card today, and I had to share what it said. I wish I could have copied the picture and everything, but couldn't. Anyways, it's nice to hear what other people think of you, especially when you don't notice these qualities in yourself.

Chuck, Thank you! I appreciate your friendship!
Love, ~Brenda

Standing for what you believe in
regardless of the odds against you, and
the pressure that tears at your resistance
...is Courage.

Keeping a smile on your face when inside you
feel like dying, for the sake of supporting others
...is Strength.

Stopping at nothing and doing what's
in your heart that you know is right
...is Determination.

Doing more than is expected, to make
another's life a little more bearable,
without uttering a single complaint
...is Compassion.

Helping a friend in need, no matter the
time or effort, to the best of your ability
...is Loyalty.

Being the best you know you can be when life
seems to fall apart at your feet, facing each
difficulty with the confidence that time will bring
better tomorrows, and never giving up...
...is Confidence.

Have A Fantastic Day
It Makes Me Happy To Know You're Part Of My Life

Well, it's Tuesday

Hey, everyone!

Well, it's Tuesday, and I'm bored out of my mind. Seems like every time I try to do something around here, I get "caught." I was taking out the trash yesterday, and my Mom called.... Damn! Caught! lol Saturday, I was picking up some stuff around the house, and got a phone call.... Damn! Caught! Seems like everyone tells me to take it easy, but I'm BORED, BORED, BORED.... I don't make a very good sick person. My armpit is still sore, and I have to be careful with what I lift with my right arm because of it, but my left side is fine! Grrrr.... lol. I'm gonna lose my mind. I have found that if I bend over too far, or reach too far for anything, I can feel my stitches tug. Obviously, I don't want to tear them open or anything, but I can't help but feel useless. Very annoying.

Ok, I'm finished ranting.

I plan to return to work next Monday. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to find out what the pathologist discovered about my tumor and the lymph nodes. My radiation appointment is on the 28th of November, because they wanted to give 3 weeks for the cuts to heal totally before starting Radiation.

Oh, here's a cute story: As many of you know, I'm taking percocet (spelling?) for the pain. When I take it, I am supposed to eat something. So, Saturday morning, I got up, took my pill, and just had some cottage cheese, because I wasn't very hungary. About 10 minutes later, I was high as a kite! lol. It was pretty funny, because Tim had me in the front yard, trying to explain his landscaping plans to me, and I just stood there, swaying back and forth, not hearing a word he said. Finally, he stopped talking and I carried my happy butt back to bed. I guess I had better take more than just some cottage cheese with those pills!

Not much else going on. We are slowly moving ahead with the plans to add an upstairs to the house. Hopefully, it will be done before Christmas. I don't want to be under construction during the holidays, if I can help it. Anyways, thanks for all of the kind e-mails I've gotten lately. I'll sit down either today or tomorrow and write some people back.

Love, ~Brenda

Removed the bandages

Well, I finally got my friend, Tammy, to help me remove the bandages last night. I was so worried about how "mangled" I'd be that I couldn't even look in the mirror until she swore to me that it wasn't as bad as I was imagining. I was so upset about looking that I felt like I was going to pass out and had to lie down on the bed! I'm such a big baby! lol.

So, I finally caved in and gave it a look... I have a horizontal cut where they took out the tumor that is about 3 inches long, and another cut under my armpit that is about 2 inches long. I think they should heal up pretty well, though. A side note, however... my armpit is completely numb! Weird. It feels the same way your lip feels after you have a tooth filled. Strange! Hopefully, that will go away with time, but I don't know. I'll have to ask the dr. about it on Wednesday when we see him.

Otherwise, I'm just laying low. Still taking the painkillers and trying not to tear open the stitches. I've gotten several speeches from people who know me only too well... about not "over-doing it." I was trying to pick up stuff around my house yesterday, and got in trouble for that. lol.

Oh, one more thing for today: I have recieved flowers!!!! They are absolutely beautiful! My pals from work sent pink roses. They smell soooo good! Some of the people from Tim's work sent a beautiful pink, yellow and purple boquet with a balloon; Linda and Jim sent a lovely blue, red and yellow boquet; and Tim bought me lillies! Tammy also took Carley out and they got me a balloon, too! My bedroom smells like a flower shop! They're so beautiful!! Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtfulness! I'm not always a "girlie-girl" but I do LOVE flowers! I'm in flower-heaven right now! lol.

Anyways, I guess that's about it for now. I do have this week off of work, but I think I will be well enough to return on the following Monday. I can only sit around my house for so long before I begin to completely lose my mind! So, I'll be back to the Fleet as soon as I can!

Love, ~Brenda

The Poem

The Poem

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.....
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God! held a book;
It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time."

Now do you have the time to pass it on?

Joy

If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything,
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

I hope this brings everyone a little peace of mind today!
Love, ~Brenda

Post-Op

Hi, everyone! I am home now, and I'm doing fine. I got home around 5 this afternoon.

I ended up not going into surgery until about 11:30 this morning. The surgeon finally came out to talk to Tim at 2:10 this afternoon. The doctor said he took out the tumor and sent it down to pathology. It tested positive for cancer cells on the outside of what he took out, so he had to go back in to remove some more tissue, which came back negative for cancer on the outside. So, he got as much as he could from the tumor area.

Then, he ended taking out three of my lymph nodes. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing they may have found some cancer cells in the first two, and the third one came up negative, so he stopped there. That's just my guess on that, though.

Other than being a little sore in the armpit area, I'm doing fine. I was very dizzy every time I stood up for most of the day, but it's starting to wear off now, and I'm able to move around a little as long as I don't stand for too long at a time. Of course, I am on painkillers, so I'm not sure how long it'll be before I can return to work because I don't want to work with narcotics in my system! They don't want us drinking on the job (even though I AM a bartender) so I'm sure they don't want me drugged up! lol.

So, I have an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday to go over what they found, and for him to check my incisions. But, I am doing fine. Fortunately for me, I've had a wonderful nurse (Tim) and beautiful visitors (the girls). Thanks to Tammy for taking care of Carley today. It was definately appreciated!

Love, ~Brenda

11 Hours Until Surgery

Well, neither Tim or I really like this doctor very much. It's his personality... I don't get a warm and fuzzy from him. Very disturbing, actually. Our first meeting with him was 10 minutes of him avoiding answers, answering questions with questions, referring some of our questions to "this other person we'll be speaking to" and so on. When we left that day, we really didn't know much more than when we went in there. On top of it, he acted like he was in a hurry and we were wasting his time!

Then, on Monday, we talked to my Radiation Oncologist. She is wonderful! She seemed to have all the time in the world for us, and not only answered all of our questions honestly, but even brought up a few other important points! With the surgeon, he was even vague about answering questions directly relating to the surgery. The radiation doctor gave us all of the info we wanted, and more! I really liked her (actually, I think I have said this already in an earlier blog).

So, because of the meeting with her, Tim got on the phone and tracked the surgeon back down yesterday and "had a talk with him." It's so cute when he says that. I can only imagine how the conversation went, but needless to say, this overly busy surgeon suddenly had time to see us today, and didn't seem to be in any hurry at all! Go figure.

Well, we were able to "trap" him long enough that he answered all of my questions. Since so many have been calling (and if you've left a message and I haven't called back, I'M SORRY!!!) with similar questions, I'll try to answer some:

I am going in at 8:55 tomorrow morning so they can insert this dye into the tumor. It takes avout 2 hours to get to my lymph nodes. From there, they'll be able to see which nodes are being affected and just biopsey those, instead of removing them all like they used to do. So, I'll be having a lumpectomey done, where they remove just the tumor and some of the surrounding tissue. A separate incision will be made under my armpit to get to the lymph nodes. The whole procedure should last about 90 minutes or so. Then, they'll keep me in a recovery room until some of the anestesia begins to wear off, and then I'll get to go home. We did have the dr. write my prescription today so that Tim wouldn't have to worry about getting to the base tomorrow to pick up pain pills for me.

He said that I will have some soreness (obviously) and won't be able to lift my arm very high for a few days. But, I'm hoping to go back to work in a week or so.

Then, my next appointment (besides some post-surgery check-ups) will be with radiology on the 28th of November... The day after mine and Tim's 9-year wedding anniversary. From there, I'll be doing radiation (it's not clear how long I'll be doing this yet) followed by chemotheraphy (also unknown as to how long). The doses for radiation and chemo will be better known after the tumor and nodes are removed and sent to pathology for testing.

If the lymph nodes come back positive for cancer, I will require another surgery to remove those. Also, some of you have asked about reconstruction. The dr. said that 95% of these types of surgeries do not require plastic surgery, because my body should naturally build up scar tissue in the place where the tumor is being removed from. So, I should have a small scar from the incision, but nothing worse. The stitches will even be under the skin, instead of the outside.

Oh, and one more thing.... everyone keeps asking what stage of cancer it is. Sorry, but they really won't know until after the surgery exactly how large the tumor is and if/how far it may have spread. He said that the reason the tumor showed up bigger on the MRI than on the mammogram is that the MRI picks up everything, including inflamations. So, the tissue around the tumor could be inflamed, but not have cancer in it. We will find that out at the surgery.

I guess that's about it for now. Thank you to everyone that has called to wish me well, and for the e-mails I've recieved! It is so wonderful to have so many people care about me.

Love, ~Brenda

Surgery Tomorrow

Well, my surgery is tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but otherwise I'm ok. I think I'll spend some time alone listening to the CD's that Jude sent me tonight. I have to have my head in a happy place, and it hasn't been lately.

Tim and I are leaving in a few minutes for a final question/answer session with the surgeon. I have a whole list of questions written down, and Tim says he has a few, too. I'll take some notes, and try to write another blog this evening to let everyone know exactly what is happening and answer some of the most commonly asked questions.

Just a side note, we leave for the hospital at 7:30 tomorrow, drop off Carley at a friend's and then start the process of getting the injection for the Lymph Node Biopsey and so on. The surgery is at 10:55 tomorrow morning. If you could all set the alarms on your cell phones, watches, or whatever, and say a quick, silent prayer around that time, I would really appreciate it! I know God is watching over me, but every little bit helps, right?

Anyways, more later. I'll give an update on the meeting with the dr. Love, ~Brenda

Rough night

Well, yesterday and last night were pretty rough for me.

All along, I've had this "I don't feel sick, so there's nothing wrong with me" attitude. Then, Tim and I went to meet the radiation oncology doctor yesterday.

She is amazing! She didn't rush us, she listened to all of our questions and answered them completely. I am really glad to have her as part of the team that I'll be working with!

But, after the appointment, I went home and enjoyed some quiet time, where my mind slowly started to take over. By the time 6:00 rolled around and I had to go to work, I was NOT in a good place (in my head). Fortunately, I have one of the coolest bosses in the entire world. Betty closed the place down, gave me a few beers and let me just relax. I needed that more than she could possibly know! There was just no way my head was into working last night. I couldn't focus on anything. My mind was everywhere and nowhere all at one time. Definately a mess.

But, enough about that. I'm sure you all want to know what the dr said yesterday! lol.

Well, she talked about the surgery and any reconstruction that may need to be done. She told me about the radiation treatments, and then went on to tell me that because of my age and the size of the tumor, I'll also be doing chemo after the radiation to get any cells that may have moved somewhere else in my body. She confirmed what I already knew.... It's gonna be a long, ugly year!

But, I do have wonderful friends that live close by, family members offering to visit if I need them, and a boss that is flexible with whatever schedule I need to work around. I couldn't ask for a better support group at all!

Oh, and one more thing... Thank you to Jude and to Jannian for the care packages you sent to me! Jude, the cd's are very good. I can't thank you enough! I just need to get into the habit of setting time every day to enjoy them. Jannian.... I can't tell you how much fun it was opening your box of "goodies!" You never cease to amaze me! I love you!!!!

And finally, to my good friend, Chuck... Thank you for making sure that my emotional baggage and I got home in one piece last night! My Jeep was fine this morning when I picked it up. It's good to have friends to take care of you when you finally break down and let your emotions try to take over. I needed that!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween tonight. I can't wait to see all the kids in their costumes! Love and hugs, ~Brenda

Red Fridays....

Support our troops

Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and twotogether. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'dbeen invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if hewas heading home.
No, he responded.
Heading out I asked?
No. I'm escorting a soldier home.
Going to pick him up?
No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq . I'm taking him home to his family.
The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch tothe gut. It was an honor for him.
He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to thes oldier's family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.
I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you. Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.
Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeleyof the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign."
Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American.
So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do.

Red Fridays

Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday.
The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the"silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America that supports our troops.
Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that: every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something red.
By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once "silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on.
The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is "We need your support and your prayers."
Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday.

IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON. IF YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS -- THEN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON. IT IS YOUR CHOICE. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!